We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
