I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize