I think im going to throw up on grandma
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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