No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
