sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
