I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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