I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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