Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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