it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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