shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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