Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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