around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There are leaves in my underwear?
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