Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
