Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
