he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
