Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
