just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Can Purell be used as lube?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize