"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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