i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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