We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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