Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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