i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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