You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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