no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize