i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
