I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
