Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
