i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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