haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
