So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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