He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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