are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
