My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
