I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize