So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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