The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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