Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
