my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
