There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have fence marks all over my body
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
