just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
