I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is wine microwaveable?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
