i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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