that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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