I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
