Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
