dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
