so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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