failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize