Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
