I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
