I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
