So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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