Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
