Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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