it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
