That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
