What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
