If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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