yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And then he peed in my hair
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