shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
honey bunches of taint.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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