SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
