I am puke
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize